Secret Squirrel deals With Rising Sea Levels And Falling Land Masses

Secret Squirrel has discovered that scientists believe that New York is actually sinking, NOT that the sea is rising…so evidenced at the url here……

http://www.triplepundit.com/2016/09/new-york-city-sinking-no-one-knows/

Secret Squirrel asks, “Do you have that certain sinking feeling?” It has been decided that it is NOT the rising sea levels responsible for the rising seas, but actually the measure of all things American, is New York City, and THEY have determined that it is NOT rising sea levels, but actually New York City, SINKING, that is causing it to appear that the sea is rising.So any rulers stuck in by the sea to measure things being what they are or were or are not and will be…show the land sinking not the sea rising…..oh well one or the other……..either way have to equip with water wings and waterproof inflatable undies if we are to save our selves. But there may well be another solution, and Squirrel as you know, has suggestions, solutions for problems……

Secret Squirrel has figured out an engineering project such that we can no longer have to fear the effects of ANY global warming, if it exists at all.In short any rising seas will not trouble us at all,whatsoever, nay not even yet ever!
Isn’t it all easier to put the colony of Canada to good use, we simply excavate it all out, and then lead a trench in from the sea, but a trench joining the sea, at sea level as it were, such that as and IF the sea rises, or the lands fall, the excess will thence run into and down the trench…..this huge created inland sea will absorb ALL the excess water from any global warming effects, and also compensate for the falling of land masses such that there is an effect of the sea rising, and so not necessitate us to do anything at all else and certainly not inconvenience us further. An alternate selection to the colony of Canada is, as Squirrel likes to put forwards and present alternatives and alternates, is,of course, the trouble makers of Europe, the France and Germany……..they also could be used, individually and or in twain….but then, to be on the safe side,why not the lot of them? Eh! Whot!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,Dunny On The Wold,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Ends Global Warming Problem By Creating More Fat People.

Secret Squirrel has seen the headlines screaming,such as “Global Warming! You’re Responsible! What You Can do”. Well,Secret Squirrel has pondered many scientific findings, and in doing so has usually
come up with rather interesting scientific and scientifically provable, and scientifically backed, facts, and, as always, has come up with a solution to the problem, in this case, the problem of global warming. Government is right, and government is wrong, but Squirrel is always right, scientifically provably right, and so cannot be wrong. Squirrel has discovered that the whole cause of global warming, and also yet the very cure to the problem of global warming, is …….. actually ……. FAT PEOPLE.

NOW, let Squirrel make this perfectly clear, Squirrel does NOT,in any way shape nor form, BLAME fat people …. nay not at all, Squirrel, does, in fact state that fat people can get us out of this global warming bind, the more, the merrier. Squirrel shall here go on to explain.

Of course, the entire global warming issue, and problems associated directly and indirectly with the issue of global warming, is also most directly encompassed by and most directly affected by three (3) most important things in life, for a person, fat or slim, affected  by 1) Dieting, 2) Exercising, 3) Eating.

The body stores the excess protein or carbs in a person’s diet in form of FAT, specifically, as triglyceride molecules, which consist of just three kinds of atoms: carbon, hydrogen and oxygen. For people to lose weight, their triglycerides must break up into building blocks, which happens in a process known as oxidation.

When a triglyceride is oxidized (or “burned up”), the process consumes many molecules of oxygen while producing carbon dioxide (CO2) and water (H2O) as waste products. Of course here entering in to the
equation also, involves the digestive generation of flatulence, fartings as it were and is,which, of course involves the direct food converted release of gas, warm gas in to the atmos thus directly increasing global warming and its effects. Of course, it is noted that those most guilty in the field
of fartings are, of course, Mexicans, due to their high bean diet. Here I cannot comment as to what would be better for the world, but fartings is certainly not one of them.

So, going on there, through the clouds of digestive scientific fartings, plainly put, to burn 10 kilograms (22 lbs.) of fat, a person needs to inhale 29 kg (64 lbs.) of oxygen. And the chemical process of burning that fat will produce 28 kg (62 lbs.) of carbon dioxide and 11 kg (24 lbs.) of water, the researchers calculated.The researchers showed that during weight loss, 84 percent of the fat that is lost turns into carbon dioxide and leaves the body through the lungs, whereas the remaining 16 percent becomes water. The calculations also show the frightening power of, for example, a small muffin over an hour of exercise: At rest, a person who weighs 154 pounds (70 kg) exhales just 8.9 mg of carbon with each breath. Even after an entire day, if this person only sits, sleeps, and does light activities,your typical couch potato, he or she exhales about 200 grams of carbon, the researchers calculated.

So,sadly, we all contribute to global warming, by merely eating and
digesting,however we must mention and make note of fat people, store far more efficiently and exhale, or whatever, far less of what they eat, so they are,in fact much more efficient.

However,consider, eating a 100 g muffin can cover 20 percent of what was lost, of course eating a full 10 recovers, easily ALL of what was lost. On the other hand, replacing one hour of rest with exercise such as jogging, removes an additional 40 g of carbon from the body, the researchers said. Even if one traces the fates of all the atoms in the body, the secret to weight loss remains the same: In order to lose weight, one needs to either eat less carbon or exercise more to remove extra
carbon from the body. What this all means, mostly, surely and directly, dieting,exercising INCREASE global warming most significantly AND FAT PEOPLE should never ever be allowed to diet nor exercise in any way shape nor form, and that forcing them to actually eat MORE will significantly DECREASE the amount of available carbon and thence carbon dioxide from the environment,PROVIDED that, they DO NOT DIET NOR EXERCISE, else they will significantly increase most greatly, available atmos carbon dioxide and hence result in an increase in global warming. So to maintain the present status quo in the world with respect to global warming, fat people must not exercise, must continue to eat, and must not exercise.Their further eating and lack of exercise will increase their bulk and so store much carbon dioxide which is now scrubbed from the environment and so safely stored.

They must avoid directly highly destructive dieting which can and will and shall cause the massive release of further grand quantities of carbon dioxide in to the atmos and so raise global warming to frightening levels.

To further decrease global warming, and its effects, we must therefor INCREASE the available amount of fat people. Doing so we shall most surely, and provably, all things not withstanding, rein in global warming, and ultimately, most easily control and finally end, global warming.

Yet what do we find, of course? Governments, most notably the American and The British government, actually are doing and encouraging the exact direct opposite. Yes, I shudder to think, but yet it is so, they encourage people to exercise, most severely. They encourage people to diet,they encourage people to reduce their body’s fat content, and they encourage people to eat far less such that we do not and cannot generate more of the very much needed and scientifically cherished, worldly important, worldly influencing, fat storage people,in plain layman’s terms really, simply put, fat people. A sad sorry state of affairs it is. But such is government, hardly the factual world, hardly the actual world, hardly the scientific world, hardly the world of sense and sensibility, hardly the world of Secret Squirrel.

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,MP,(Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel Finds Global Warming Good For Humanity

Secret Squirrel has come to view global warming to be a tremendous positive effect actually required for the betterment of earth, of humanity, and suggests we actively encourage it, condone it, bring it about,cause it to happen, cause it to go to completion.Having carefully researched and pondered Global Warming, Secret Squirrel has come to these positive conclusions.Global warming?It’s not bad, why just look at this comment by David Avery….

“Two thousand years of published human histories say that warm periods were good for people. It was the harsh, unstable Dark Ages and….[the Global Cooling].. Little Ice Age that brought bigger storms, untimely frost, widespread famine and plagues of disease.”

So,is global warming all that bad?Not really,not yet at all.Why just look at climate change,a change resulting in a change in climate to a climate such as Australia, Hawaii…the South Sea Islands,Madagascar.All presently enjoy and thrive
in,virtual,real,existing,paradises.Imagine, vast areas of frozen tundra, useless frozen wasteland…….converted,to tropical forests.Tropical forests.Imagine, they’re complaining that tropical rainforests are being cut down,reducing the world’s oxygen supply.According to climatologists, the villain causing a warmer world is the unprecedented amount of carbon dioxide (CO2) we humans keep pumping into the atmosphere. But as high school biology students nationwide know, plants absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen. Researchers have shown that virtually all plants will do better in a CO2-rich environment than in the current atmosphere, which contains only trace amounts of their basic food.Plants also prefer warmer winters and nights, and a warmer world would mean longer growing seasons. Combined with higher levels of CO2, plant life would become more vigorous, thus providing more food for animals and humans. Given a rising world population, longer growing seasons, greater rainfall(brought about by increased evaporation off the seas due to increased levels of temperature in the atmos), and an enriched atmosphere could
be just the ticket to stave off famine and want.So,indeed yes, vastly increased lands will become available for the production of food,veggies et all, and as you know, green veggies do the same as trees for their time(absorb CO2,produce oxygen) before we harvest and eat them!As the ice retreats to the poles,yet much  more arable land will become available for both residential and agricultural purposes. Large land-masses in the northern hemisphere, just south of the Canadian/U.S. border, have some very extreme climates that can be quite inhospitable for human habitation. Most Canadians live in a belt running along its southern border with the United States. But once global warming is factored in, vast northern regions will become arable and comfortably habitable. All of Canada will welcome an agricultural boon field with long growing seasons.Greenland would truly become a
Greenland, a land of totally arable,fertile, food and agriculture productive and supportive land, as would also the Antarctic land mass.Argentina and Chile could easily massively triple their agriculturally available and useable land due to the climate change alone! The deserts of China received rains and were fertile 8,000 years ago, ,during earth’s warm period,and this would be good news for China, since they need all the fertile land they can get, with their huge population. The arable land was also hundreds of miles further north into China than it is now. As well, those areas of India which are now deserts, were also rained on and fertile in those days, and that’s also good news, given how desperate hard up India is, being so poor and having such a huge population.Heretofore uninhabitable land will not only become inhabitable, but even temperate.Siberia, for example – will become productive due to global warming.Yes! Send him to Siberia!Send him to Paradise! Aha! All round a joy good show!Aren’t you all for the good time,lads!!! There’s yet even more in the Global Warming plus column than just that! Why just look at the
positive effects……….

Booming businesses….in the Arctic The world economy needs a shot in the arm. I know the feds just cut interest rates by .75, but that’s nothing compared to what a melted Arctic circle could do. Without all that pesky ice in the way, the Arctic ocean would be completely open, creating a brand new trade route from the Atlantic to Asia. It’s only traversible in the summer now, but global warming could open it year round, saving money for everyone. It might kill the polar bears, but business would boom in the north, which it sorely needs. Plus you’d save fuel on shipping, so if you think about it a melted Arctic circle is almost “green”.The full arctic would no longer be frigid.Minerals and resources easy to get to.Towns would spring up,economic activity would thrive there in the nice warm and cozy temperatures!A fabled sea route above North America linking the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans has become a reality thanks to global warming. Scientists have confirmed that in August, Arctic sea ice shrank to its lowest levels since satellite measurements began monitoring the region nearly 30 years ago. One consequence of this is that the Northwest Passage has opened up much earlier than expected.Oceans will suffer from reduced acidification, a process which has started, and is having an adverse effect on sea life, indeed the effects of any additional waters added to the oceans, will help dissipate and dilute this, going more towards the neutral ph levels once more.Fully navigable, the Northwest Passage will make the trip 4,000 miles shorter for ships traveling between Europe and Asia, allowing them to avoid the Panama Canal,making trips between,connecting to, the upper parts of the Asian,North American sphere very much shorter by sea routes,decreasing the consumption of fuels by ships making the journey.Transportation generally would benefit from a warmer climate, since road travelers would suffer less from slippery or impassable highways. Airline passengers, who often endure weather-related socked in snow and ice storm delays in the winter, would gain from more reliable and on-time service.Things would be very much less expensive for cities budgets not requiring further any snow removal, or road salting,gritting, sanding etc so very necessary what with winter conditions.Those winter conditions would no longer exist.Global warming will have no real effect, positive or negative, on economic activities such as manufacturing, retailing, wholesaleing, banking, education and the majority of other businesses that are unrelated to cold weather. Of course cold weather activities, such as snow-sports, would be negatively affected,as we have abilities to generate artificial and fake snow nowadays, and indoor ice arena activities would take place that of those outdoors which winter provided.

Department of Energy studies have shown that a warmer climate would reduce heating bills more than it would boost outlays on air conditioning. Now it has also been found that those who work in warmer climes make less than those who work in colder climes, in terms of wages offered, you see, the colder climate worker must be given a work incentive, that is not necessary when said worker is warmer,happier, much more contented.

From a purely evolutionary point of view, warm periods have always benefited plants and animals.Researchers have shown, moreover, that virtually all plants will do better in an environment enriched with carbon dioxide than in the current atmosphere, which contains only trace amounts of their basic food. In addition, warmer winters and nights would mean longer growing seasons. Combined with higher levels of CO2, plant life would become more vigorous, thus providing more food for animals and humans. Given a rising world population, longer growing seasons, greater rainfall, and an enriched atmosphere could be just the ticket to stave off famine and want.Fisheries experts credit global warming for unexpected salmon numbers. Baseball season could be expanded to included another half dozen games with an earlier spring although this could result in losing a football game so that would be a draw.

Florida trailer parks will finally be safe.A brand new study in the journal Geophysical Research Letters suggests that  The researchers suggests that warmer temperatures will actually decrease the amount of hurricanes that hit the US each year.A very great plus this is for the people of New Orleans!Global warming could increase a climate phenomenon known as wind shear that inhibits Atlantic hurricanes, a potentially positive result of climate change,Wind shear, a difference in wind speed or direction at different altitudes, tends to tear apart tropical cyclones, preventing nascent ones from growing and already-formed hurricanes from becoming the monster storms that cause the most damage.

More summer fun! WOOOOOOOOO!WOOOOOOOOO!WOOOOOOO! Summer itself won’t technically last longer,it just really won’t leave.Does it ever leave in Australia?No! Not really, just gets a touch cooler,from hotter,not freezing, not even cold, just cooler from hot, as the dates are based on sunlight instead of temperature. But if you define summer by warm temperatures, you’re in luck. It’ll stay hot for much longer, so stock up on bathing suits now,you’ll even be able to warmly swim in WINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More food! This one’s related a bit to the longer summers,and virtually constant summer, as it is in Australia, a year round growing season as it were and is there. Those hotter temperatures would also translate into a longer growing seasons. Plus,
plants love CO2! It’s like food for them. All that global warming causing CO2 would act like a fertilizer. With free airborne plant fertilizer and longer growing seasons, food production will skyrocket.

No need for snow shoveling, reducing medical expenses of government and people due to vastly reduced heart attacks, sprains and broken bones generated by snow conditions.Warmer winters would mean fewer deaths,less dead people, particularly among vulnerable groups like the aged. However, the same groups are also vulnerable to additional heat, and deaths attributable to heatwaves are expected to be approximately five times as great as winter deaths prevented.Less deaths from pneumonia,vastly reduced.Hence vastly reduced health care costs to governments and to individual people(this’d be Americans whose health care is left to their
own devices,where the rich and middle classes don’t want medicare for the poor and not so well off people). The world has thrived during the warming periods between the ice ages. Cold periods have always caused serious survival problems for all organisms including mankind. Scientific studies show that there will be 40,000 fewer deaths each year in the U.S. In Britain alone, scientists estimate that about 30,000 deaths a year are related to cold winter weather. Warmer temperatures in the U.S. will reduce medical costs by about $20 billion every year.

Melting ice caps causing massive flooding……….well not really, you see the vastest majority of the ice, is actually on or over water as it were, so it has already displaced itself in the ocean,as in it has in effect, solidly melted so would contribute not a jot to any rise in sea levels. All that would affect the sea,is any runoff making the sea. Now as for the rest, melting is a slow process, not an overnight thing, so evaporation sets in, again reducing the effects of runoff. Also the vast majority of lands covered by ice and snow, is just that, land, so that greatest majority will simply dissolve in to the land itself, not
reaching the sea. The sea will achieve a minimal rise, therefor in sea level, entailing, say a few inches, or at the most, a foot. Hardly a thing to worry about then is there!!!!!!!And should there be some increased sea levels due to global warming melting of the ice caps,it will create new estuaries, which are extremely productive ecosystems,ad in terms of improved electrical energy generation,a clean, versus dirty,dangerous,radioactive nuclear,increased sea levels will increase the energy of ocean’s tides; excessive tidal energy may become a popular form of renewable energy.

Shorter and more mild winters will mean less time spent indoors with the heater on getting cold, not exercising and feeling depressed. There will be a reduction in warm weather clothing and goods but women wearing less clothing and suffering from cabin fever.Imagine,women happily running about in bikinis almost all of the time, just as they go in the tropics!!Who’s complaining!!
A huge and entertaining  plus!

So there you go. Assuming that global temperatures continue to rise, we’ve got something to look forward to. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to try and risk it.I subscribe to the idea of “Hope for the best, plan for the worst.”Hey it’s win,win win!!I’m running outside to fire up my bar be every day I can! I fully intend to contribute to, as much as I can, to bring about Global Warming,and all the benefits it entails,and I’ll thoroughly enjoy myself doing it as well!
Who’s to complain? One land?One nation? One people?Holland?The Netherlands?Why they complain they’ll be flooded out! A small sacrifice it is for the general good and betterment of the entire human race! Let them pack up and move now, and for those who do not, well, they all wear wooden shoes, they’ll just float merrily upside down until rescued,moved to higher ground, and given their regulation US army water bottle, and they’ll just have to like it all just as the rest of us do.Global Warming! Full steam ahead!!

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,(MP,Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel’s Global Warming Cow Gas Emission Collection Plan.

Secret Squirrel says  global warming is a global problem which we must now turn our attention to.Meet the world’s top destroyer of the environment. It is not the car, or the plane,or even George Bush,: it is the cow.

A United Nations report has identified the world’s rapidly growing herds of cattle as the greatest threat to the climate, forests and wildlife. And they are blamed for a host of other environmental crimes, from acid rain to the introduction of alien species, from producing deserts to creating dead zones in the oceans, from poisoning rivers and drinking water to destroying coral reefs, and also…………..global warming.Cows and bulls can produce 500 litres of methane a day.

Here I stand, out in a field in Devonshire,as she stares at me she is constantly chewing… and burping ………and………….farting.One dairy cow gives off enough methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 empty litre bottles of pop, which is really bad for the environment. It turns out that livestock – predominantly cattle – are responsible for an astonishing proportion of global warming gases – 18 percent of the total, to be precise.Indeed these fart gases rise in the atmos and hence are proveably responsible for the ever increasing great hole in the ozone layer.

A single cow could be producing as much as 500 litres of methane per day.

There are more than two million more like her across the UK.

They are the UK’s biggest single source of methane – a gas 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide when it comes to global warming.

In fact cattle are responsible for about 3 per cent of all Britain’s greenhouse gases. Reduce that and experts say you not only make farming greener and more efficient, it could help Britain achieve its commitments under the Kyoto agreement.But who are the major moral culprits in the events of cows and global warming…….

What countries have the most cattle?Here they are in order of the top ten.

1 India
2 Brazil
3 China
4 US
5 Argentina
6 Sudan
7 Ethiopia
8 Mexico
9 Russian Federation
10 Colombia

Indeed none of these nations can say,.”Haven’t got a cow man!”,as it is time to lay the blame. No indeed, they have cows, and lots of’em, and are the major cause of the problems affecting the world,the problems of global warming. But enough of the cause of global warming, are there then solutions to the problem………………..well…………….

Argentine scientists are studying the effects of global warming by strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their gas.

Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of methane, a powerful greenhouse gas that gets far less attention than carbon dioxide as a potential cause of global warming.

So to collect it a plastic tank is fitted to the cow’s back and connected through a tube to the animal’s stomach.

Aha! Wisdom prevails, but not in the Argentinians.indeed they are studying the problem, collecting gases to study the problem. Little do they realize that that is the actual solution to the problem…the have absolutely no hindsight in the foresight of their studies…indeed fitting each and every cow with such a gas collector, collecting both belches, and farts…………..would save humanity!!!

Oh the humanity of it! Fields of cows,cows running about India,etc etc etc, fitted with these gas bag collecting tanks.Not to study but to actually collect,to gather, to bottle. Said tanks could thence be emptied, trucks coming about on a daily basis to collect the methane gas, and then that gas being bottled and condensed, and hence use in place of such gases as propane, an offspring of…….oil. Indeed this collected gas could be storage tanked and thence used as cooking gas for homes, heating gas for homes,homes could be lit by it!!

Indeed the mind boggles, said gas could also have applications in being burned to provide gas fuels for motor cars,lorries and buses. Indeed once more we in the MRL have excelled, identified the problem, and applied a technologically engineered cure for the betterment of humanity whilst at the same time ending the most massive contributer to the global warming crisis.The world is saved!! By the MRL!!

Secret Squirrel,
MRL,(MP,Dunny On The Wold),
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.

Secret Squirrel’s Global Warming Solution Confirmed

Secret Squirrel has discovered that the world scientists and engineers are catching up to his advanced,modern,futuristic views and opinions on halting global warming, basically by initiating a global cooling.
They have just found that Antarctic icebergs may offset carbon emissions
according to……..(The Guardian)

“A massive tabular iceberg adrift in the Weddell Sea off the Antarctic peninsula…………………..
Icebergs that break off Antarctica and drift away are hotspots of life and may help reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the world’s atmosphere, according to new research.American scientists said thousands of floating icebergs that had split from Antarctic shelves as a result of climate change were having a major impact on the ecology and chemistry of the ocean around them.

The icebergs hold nutrients that they release far out to sea as they melt, sustaining a community of seabirds, krill, fish and phytoplankton spread over a radius of up to two miles around each one.
University of South Carolina geochemist Timothy Shaw, one of the authors of the study, said: “The Southern Ocean lacks a major source for terrestrial material due to the absence of major rivers.
“The icebergs constitute a moving estuary, distributing terrestrial-derived nutrients that are typically supplied by rivers in other areas of the oceans.”

The phytoplankton sustained by the icebergs absorbs CO2 from the water around it, the study said. This could have important implications for climate change research, as it may mean the world’s oceans will be able to absorb more CO2 from the atmosphere than previously thought……………………………”

Well now here it is,my theory, my solution to the global warming crisis. Yes, I can firmly state, as is evidenced by my previous solutionary writings upon the very subject of Global Warming, has been completely confirmed by scientific fact. Indeed I stated, quite directly, that ice burgs should be encouraged to break off, and be directed in to the Gulf Stream, where they would swirl around and melt, just as ice cubes are swirled around in a drink, to coll the drink, here the icebergs would cool the earth and so reverse Global Warming, cooling earth. Indeed yes.Note the effects further on CO2 emissions, note the reducing effect on those as well, creating an atmospheric CO2 scrubber as well! Now Branson has stated that should a solution be found,those who find it will be well rewarded…………however I must state that when I presented myself at his gates, I was met with the customary greeting for those of lesser means……………………”Sod Off Mate!”Perhaps it was my noted scientific remarks that he wear underwear as a fart filter to reduce Global Warming emissions, that irritated him. Oh well Sutch it is with men of science and engineering.But I am displeased,and indeed at least they remember me in North Cheam.

Also, I should add, further, that my part of the solution is a placating political one as well, preventing a war, and providing England with solid income. Some of the broken off ice bergs will be towed to America, thence sold to the Americans. You see, the Americans need oil, so they have these wars to procure oil for themselves. Now they need water, and the Canadian colonials fear that America will declare war on them in efforts to get what little they have………………….water. Well, here we solve that problem as well, and contribute to Global Cooling, and reduce and defeat Global Warming, and stop another American invasion of the colony!

Secret Squirrel,
M.R.L.,
Minister For Re-Deranged Re-Engineering.